Watcher
by Avampyre
Summary: Atlantis thinks about Rodney McKay and watches as the inhabitants of the city finally learn to stop taking everything he does for granted.
1. Watcher

Summary: The city watches as inhabitants of Atlantis finally stop taking Rodney for granted. Written because the lack of appreciation for everything McKay does annoyed me, and because I've read a few stories where Atlantis is devoted to Sheppard and it seems to me that Rodney would be the more logical choice.

WATCHER

His thoughts are bright, shining, leaping and darting so much further and faster than those around him that it hard to accept that his is one of them.

Though it was not him that awakened me, he is the one who gives me purpose once more. It was as though he sensed my presence, trying to reach out to me from the very beginning. Though he is not the strongest, he is the only one amongst them with the capacity to truly see me and the willingness to allow me to see him. He asks instead of demanding and gives back so much more than he takes.

At first, I could not hear him. I watched him as he moved through me, as I did all the others, but his mind was indistinct, lost amongst the ones I could feel more strongly. Then he changed. Still quiet, but I could hear him. The first time he spoke to me it was a simple request to open a door, so quiet I could barely detect it and I complied without thought for who it came from. As the door opened he sent me a warm rush of joy and gratitude that made me look more closely. It was only then that I began to realise how different he is.

His kindness is new to me. Always before I have been a tool, dismissed and shut out when I am not required, but, from the first instant, his mind was always open to me, easing the loneliness I had not been aware of feeling. He is more fearless in his desire to learn than even my creators, who, like those with him, closed themselves off from me, afraid of what they do not understand, their vision too limited to accept what they had created.

He touches me with gentle thoughts and careful hands. He pushes me to do more, be better, and has faith that I can. The others make demands like children, "On, Off, Open, Close" but with him it is a dialogue. A constant stream of encouragement, affection and requests for more. More information, more speed, more efficiency, more power. He searches for ways to improve on what he finds and makes me more than I was designed to be. I wish that I could communicate with him more easily, but the ability to speak directly to those I serve was not granted to me by my creators.

He has an understanding that transcends knowledge, the ability to see the whole even as he works to learn the parts. I watch him and learn, studying him while he studies me, seeing him push aside fear and pain and exhaustion. Refusing to accept defeat, his hands steady though the rest of his body shakes while he fights to save us all.

Those with him do not see all that he does or the price that he pays for doing it. They do not feel his touch in everything around them as I do. They mock him for his ego and self-importance and they do not see the myriad of disasters he prevents before they occur, the times he saves their lives in a silence they would not believe him capable of. He does not speak of it because, to him, this is his job. He watches over them all, as I do. They know nothing of the work he does to improve the quality of their lives, to ensure that they have hot water and light and power for non-essential things.

Though they sometimes see him sleeping in his lab or even on the ground close to work he has just completed, they shrug it off as 'just his way' blinded by the smooth running of their lives to the amount of work he does.

He requires little rest to function, which is just as well as his sleep is often interrupted by someone wanting him to resolve one problem or another. Except in times of crisis, the others are required to do little, working on the tasks and projects he assigns them, or training and preparing for future events, but he never stops.

When he is away from me, the seemingly never-ending requests for build up, ignored by the others he works with. He seldom sleeps after returning from a mission unless he has been injured. Even then, he will be back at work far sooner than is wise, unable to ignore the others need. The only time he stops is when one of his team is injured. Then he remains with them until the danger has passed before returning to work and on these occasions he has even less sleep then normal.

I feel his strength and compassion in everything he does, his willingness to give everything for those around him, his determination to do the impossible each time it is asked of him. And I feel his grief. His sorrow and guilt when he fails, his pain whenever someone dies.

They blame him for failure but never thank him for his many successes. He is alone, abandoned with his pain by those who should comfort him. They pay too much attention to his words and never look at the constant contradiction of his actions. It angers me.

They do not see how much he gives or how much they need him - until he is no longer there.

TBC...

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	2. Watcher: Absence & Understanding

**Watcher **

Summary: The city watches as everything falls apart because Rodney isn't there.

2. ABSENCE AND UNDERSTANDING

Many were relieved when he left, glad not to have to deal his demanding nature for a while. When the request for his assistance came through from Earth, they let him go without hesitation and some of those who did not know better suggested quietly that it would be better if he did not return at all.

I did not doubt that he would come back if he could. I felt his affection for me and for all those I shelter. The last thing he said to Radek was an instruction to 'take care of his city until he got back' and, as he stepped through the event horizon, his last thought was a silent request for me to watch over and care for them until he returned. Then he was gone and my functions slowed once more as, without the impetus of his need, I could not be more than I had been designed to be.

---

It is quiet without him and, at first, they are glad of it. So glad that they do not realise that the spark has gone out of their lives. Without him there is no excitement, no joy in discovery and no real enthusiasm. Despite his abrasive personality, his respect and rare praise have become the crowning achievement of every scientist under his command, a prize more valued than academic recognition on Earth had ever been. Without the incentive of his presence, their work slows.

The mood of the scientists gradually spreads to the others and, without knowing why, the voices within my halls become muted and subdued. They had not realised how accustomed they had become to the sound of his voice and the sight of him waving his hands in punctuation to his words, vibrating with such intensity that his body can barely contain it, energising those around him with his presence.

Those closest to him are the first to understand. His team feel the void left by his absence and find it hard when another scientist is sent with them in his place. This is aggravated by the fact that his temporary replacement panics the first time things go wrong and freezes instead of being inspired, almost costing Tayla her life as a result. He does his best work in a panic, while others become liabilities.

With the team on stand-down until Tayla recovers, Colonel Sheppard spends much of his time wandering through my halls, often ending up outside the labs without meaning to and then leaving with a muffled curse when he remembers his friend is not within. He seems unsure how to fill his off hours and it is clear that he hadn't realised how much of his spare time they spent together, either disturbing him in his lab or playing like boys, as close as brothers.

--

For a while, things continue to run smoothly. The problems he had foreseen and prevented before leaving allowing things to continue unchanged in his absence. It cannot last, though, and one by one errors creep in and systems start to fail. I do what I can but too many of my backup systems and fail-safes are damaged or lack power and I do not have the capacity to rewrite functions or create and implement alternative solutions the way that he does.

As more time passes, the alarms become a daily occurrence. Problems that he would have anticipated are overlooked until they reach alarming proportions and much of their time is spent running from place to place putting out one fire after another. Only the most critical systems, the ones that he has completely overhauled or even rebuilt since his arrival, continue to work as well or better than they ever did while everything else falls apart.

---

It is Zelenka who is the first to officially request his return. The circles beneath his eyes grow more pronounced with each passing day as he struggles to cope with the extra work and he becomes steadily more irritable in response to the constant interruptions of the other scientists.

"Is impossible!" He finally explodes. "I can get no work done due constant interruptions and need to check others work. They need hands holding all the time. Is like dealing with infants."

He is standing in Dr Weir's office, having just finished briefing her and Colonel Sheppard about the latest narrowly averted disaster.

"Easy, Radek," Sheppard says teasingly, "you're starting to sound like McKay."

Zelenka mumbles something indistinct in Czech and then says more loudly in English, "This is whole problem, I need to be him but am not." His shoulders slump as he registers their surprised looks.

"City does not work without Rodney," he admits, "I cannot do things that he does. Productivity in science labs is down more than 14%. Even city itself is affected and system response has dropped 6%." He sighs and adds with a shrug, "All seems to have gone wrong since he left."

"I don't understand why there are suddenly so many problems when everything was fine before. Is there something interfering with the systems, making the city unstable?" Dr Weir asks in concern.

"Problems are not new. Have been there all along but were never noticed because Rodney fixed before they became obvious. I cannot do this. I cannot see patterns and consequences at glance as he does. It would take many people many hours to accomplish what he does in minutes and even then would likely miss something." He shrugs again, "Atlantis is over 10,000 years old. Problems are inevitable."

"I assume that these problems are why we're getting so many complaints about maintenance? I can't imagine that you've had a lot of opportunity to assign people to work on minor problems when there are so many major ones to deal with."

"Maintenance? Science department has never dealt with general maintenance. People cannot be spared for non-essential systems. We can barely keep up with critical faults and own work."

"But McKay set up the maintenance request email not long after we arrived," Sheppard protests, "and reported problems have always been taken care of. If it's not you, who did he get to act as the maintenance team?"

"Is no maintenance team. Is Rodney. Whole city runs smoothly because he does impossible on daily basis. I never knew scope of his work until I was left in charge and he gave me access to his records. Have either of you ever seen one of his daily logs? Even whole science department together could not accomplish so much and I do not think he ever sleeps. All emails to maintenance divert to him and in his absence they are copying to me. There have been almost 1500 since he has been gone. Previous messages indicate that he does all from fixing lights and plumbing to repairing TV."

Zelenka shakes his head. "I cannot do more than try to hold city together until he returns to put things right. Please tell me that this will be soon for I do not know how much longer I can maintain sanity."

-----

I find satisfaction in their discussion. For too long they have taken his work for granted, not seeing half of what he does. My satisfaction grows as word spreads, as voices begin to murmur of the need for his return, quietly at first but, as time passes, the murmur grows louder.

Then someone dies. Suddenly the voices are everywhere. No longer a murmur but a roar, because they all know that it would not have happened on his watch. Surprisingly, there is little blame levied against those who were responsible in his absence. Everyone seems aware that they are guilty of nothing more than not being him.

They have finally been forced to see that he is the reason that they can walk my halls in confidence and safety, not just when a crisis threatens but every single day. People become fearful in his absence and many begin jumping at the slightest unexpected sound or event. I am no longer their safe and wondrous home, I have become unfamiliar, a threat that they do not know how to respond to.

Although they do not know it, my reaction mirrors theirs. He charged me to protect them and I could not. My function is to provide shelter and I failed. Alone I am not enough and I fear for them.

---

The scientists are the worst affected. Zelenka is in shock. Guilt-ridden by the death he feels he should have prevented as well as exhausted and overworked, he can take no more. Crushed beneath the unimagined weight of the responsibilities that his broad shoulders had seemed to carry so effortlessly, Zelenka collapses and ends up in the infirmary.

Left without guidance, the others flounder. New discoveries are ignored, set aside for 'later study' although most are too proud to admit that 'later' actually means 'when he returns'. In the meantime, they work tentatively on existing projects and stay in areas that have already been explored, clinging to the things that are known and familiar. Finding comfort in the safe things that they have already been given instructions about.

The quest for knowledge slowly grinds to a halt. All know that there will be hell to pay when he returns and discovers their lack of progress but by now they are all secretly longing to hear his harsh words.

Out of options, Dr Weir contacts the SGC to request his return, only to be told that he is still needed on Earth and can't be spared. It seems like he has been gone for an eternity before they finally receive word that he will be returning on the Daedalus's next run.

The countdown has begun.

TBC...  
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	3. Watcher: Return

Watcher 3: Return

**Watcher**

This could be set any time between late season 2 and Sunday.

I'm not very happy with this part, I had real trouble maintaining the city's perspective and I'm not sure I've quite succeed.

Summary: Atlantis watches as Rodney returns and the inhabitants of the city change.

RETURN

When his return is announced, the air is filled with anticipation and a renewed sense of optimism awakens. The mantra of the expedition has become 'hold together until he gets here'. Details of every fault and temporary fix that have occurred in his absence are complied and prioritised, ready to hand over as soon as he arrives.

A surprising number of people find they have urgent business that requires their presence in the gate room when the Daedalus finally arrives. In addition to Weir, Beckett, Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon, there are scientists apparently working on every console and control panel in the room and off-duty marines who felt a sudden urge to assist with checking and storing the supplies brought on the Daedalus.

Sheppard and Weir say nothing and allow the fictional reasons for their presence to stand unchallenged. They understand the need that has driven them there and will not deny them the comfort of seeing him return.

A sudden flash of white light and he is standing before the gate. Bouncing slightly on his toes, his chest puffed out proudly to draw attention to the medal that is prominently displayed there. I feel his mind reaching out to me instinctively, even as his focus is on his friends.

Weir is the first to step forwards, understated as always but with a tone of real relief underlying the words, "Welcome back, Rodney and...well done."

"Hey, pal, it's good to have you back." Sheppard says enthusiastically, patting him on the shoulder in greeting, and then his team surrounds him, Teyla pulling his head down in the Athosian greeting and Ronon thumping him so hard on the back that he staggers.

He seems slightly puzzled by the warmth of the greeting but shrugs it off, happy to be back and taking the opportunity to begin explaining in detail how he was able to save Earth and the medal he was given in recognition of his actions. His hands wave in counterpoint to his words and he is totally unaware of the smiles he is receiving from everyone in the room.

Suddenly he breaks off, mid-sentence, and tilts his head to one side, listening to something only he can hear. His team look at him in confusion as he unexpectedly snaps out, "What the hell have you done to my city?" and strides towards the control console, shoving one hapless technician out of his way as he does so and snapping his fingers impatiently until another vacates the seat in front of the console. Moments after he starts moving, my sensors identify the cause of his concern and I trigger the alarm. I don't know what he feels from me, or how it is possible that he can sense problems before they are picked up by my systems, but this is not the first time that he has done so.

I silence the alarm as he re-routes power away from the compromised system, buying himself the time to fix it properly. That done, he looks up at the people watching him and snaps out, "Where's Zelenka?"

Without waiting for a reply, he touches his earpiece and summons the engineer, frowning slightly at the uncharacteristically dull tone of the Czech's voice as he announces he is on his way.

"Rodney..." Weir begins hesitantly, only to be interrupted by Carson saying firmly, "Radek's a wee bit fragile right now, Rodney, don't you be too rough on him."

"Fragile?" He scowls, "I don't care if he's as delicate as a snowflake, I need his report. It's blindingly obvious that this city has problems and I'm not going to learn anything useful from the rest of you."

Any response the others might have made is silenced by Zelenka's arrival. His frown deepens at the sight of him, cataloguing the changes that the last few months have wrought. The engineer's steps drag as he walks, his skin is almost grey and sags slightly, emphasising the weight he has lost and there are deep circles beneath his eyes. He registers everything in a single comprehensive glance and then he states bluntly, "Zelenka, you look like crap." before grabbing his arm and dragging him off towards the closest room, locking the door and darkening the windows before Dr Weir realises what he's doing, let alone has a chance to protest at his usurping her office without asking.

With a sigh and a smile, she turns to Sheppard and the others and says, "Since my office appears to be off-limits for the moment, why don't we adjourn to the briefing room and contact Colonel Caldwell to fill us in on the situation on Earth."

---

Once in Weir's office, he releases his hold on Zelenka and shoves him into the closest chair. "Sit down before you fall down," he advises bluntly. "and then fill me in."

Zelenka brings up a file on the tablet PC he was holding and then passes it over. "This is report of all that has gone seriously wrong with Atlantis during time you have been gone."

He is mostly quiet as he reads, asking occasional questions about the actions that have been taken and sometimes muttering almost inaudibly under his breath but otherwise absorbed in the information before him. Zelenka fidgets uncomfortably until he sets aside the tablet and 'hmm's' thoughtfully and then bursts out. "I am sorry, Rodney."

Startled blue eyes rise from the screen but Zelenka hurries on before he can speak, "I failed. I could not keep Science department running as you do. I could not keep _city_ running as you do. I think perhaps you left wrong person in charge as clearly I could not cope.

His mouth twists and he skewers the other man with a look, familiar to many, that states as loudly as words, 'you are an idiot and I am about to explain why'. "What, exactly, are you apologising for, Radek?" he snaps out impatiently, "Because I have to say that it sounds like you're feeling guilty for not being me. And, okay, it sucks for you that you're not 'cos, hey, super-genius here...but its hardly new information. You've always known you're not me. So who, other than me, could have coped as well or better than you did? Who should I have left in charge?"

Zelenka's brow wrinkles and he opens his mouth to reply, only to close it again without speaking.

"You see? There's no one else who could have done it, even temporarily, which is why I chose you. If it were easy I wouldn't be doing it, it would be left to a lesser mind while I did something more challenging. However, despite the enormous handicap of not being me, you took care of the city and, by extension, the people in it to the best of your abilities. And you're best seems to have been pretty good because, oh look, the city's still here."

"But it was not _enough_! People were hurt..." The forceful words trail off and he swallows hard, the next words emerging as a whisper from his suddenly tight throat, "Stoker is dead...because my best was not good enough, because I could not..."

"Welcome to my world."

Zelenka blinks, startled into silence by the unexpected response and the wry, slightly sad tone it is delivered in.

He sighs, "Radek, how many people have we lost since we came here? Do you have any idea how many people have died waiting for me to save them, but I wasn't fast enough? Or because they trusted me, but I wasn't right enough? Or sacrificed themselves in order to save me, as if my life was somehow more important than theirs?" He shakes his head, and in his mind I can see the parade of faces and names, names he can never remember in life but that are burned into his memory in death, "I remember every soldier or scientist I've ever failed to save since we got here, but that doesn't mean that my best isn't enough. It's all I've got to give...so I'll keep giving it. And so will you."

"I...how? How do you continue under so much pressure? How do you live with the dead? I did not know. I thought I did but I did not know even half of what you do each day. You carry the whole expedition and have done for years while it crushed me in just a few weeks even though there have been no major crises in that time."

"I do my best. And my best is pretty damned impressive." His lop-sided smile flashes for a second, and then he adds, "Plus I can yell at you for stress relief...and I can be reasonably certain that if I assign you a task you'll do it right, which means, although you may never hear me say so again, that I don't do _everything_ myself."

For the first time, Zelenka smiles and admits, "I understand why you get worked up about rampant stupidity now. For supposedly intelligent people they can be...remarkably idiotic. Is often quicker to simply do it yourself than to explain everything three times so they understand why they are wrong."

He laughs and says again, "Welcome to my world. Now, lets go and fix the power conduit in the North West corridor so we can turn the power back on in that sector without it blowing up." He looks at Zelenka for a moment and then says, "On second thoughts, I'll fix it, you go and get some sleep."

"I would like to help. I can sleep after while you read detailed reports of last 4 months."

After an assessing look, he nods his agreement.

"Thank you." The heart-felt tone of Zelenka's voice says more than words and makes it abundantly clear that he means for more than being allowed to assist in the repairs, "It is very good to have you back, Rodney."

They are both smiling as they leave the office.

---

I listen with Sheppard and the others as Caldwell recounts the events on Earth. We are all dismayed to learn that he had been badly injured while he was gone and I run my sensors over him as he continues to talk to Zelenka in order to confirm that he is well. Lacking this option, Sheppard and Beckett both leap to their feet only to be told to sit back down by Weir and Caldwell, who assures them that he is almost fully recovered.

Reluctantly, they do as instructed but their gazes stray continually to the door.

"He was asked to stay, you know," Caldwell says casually once his report is complete, "that's part of the reason he was away for so long. McKay saved our asses and they wanted to keep him around to do it again if necessary. It really scared them when Carter couldn't figure it out."

Everyone turns to look at him in horror and Caldwell laughs, "Relax, he told the President and the Joint Chiefs that he was either going back to Atlantis or he quit and that if they wanted to reap the benefits of his genius in the future then they'd better let him go home. It took them a while to accept they couldn't change his mind but General O'Neill backed him and eventually they gave him a medal and let him go."

I am both pleased and dismayed by Caldwell's words. It is gratifying to know how hard he will fight for his place here but it is also a worrying reminder that his presence here is not by his choice alone and he could be sent away at any time.

Shocked by the news of how close they came to losing him, first to death and then to reassignment, his team are out of the door almost before they are granted permission to leave, with Beckett close on their heels. They head straight for Weir's office, only to discover that he and Zelenka have already left.

Once they have tracked him down, Beckett is mollified by a promise to stop by the infirmary for a check-up once he has time and by his quick visual assessment that confirms there are no obvious indicators of weakness or pain - and by the lack of complaints about the same. Teyla and Ronon linger for a while, watching him work until they are satisfied that he is well and then leave after it is agreed they will meet for a team night as soon as possible, although he refuses to commit to a specific time or date because of the work that he needs to get done. The look they exchange with Sheppard contains a silent agreement that they will allow him to overwork for only so long before dragging him out of the labs, whether he wishes to go or not.

Sheppard remains once the others have left, following him to the labs and asking questions, teasing or simply watching him work until he is told that if he insists on hovering he should make himself useful and go and get him some coffee and, preferably, cake as well.

---

Over the next few days he seems to be everywhere. I feel him working in my systems, putting things right, making them better. Almost every member of the expedition finds a reason to be wherever he is at some point, although he remains unaware of it. When he is in the labs, small crowds form outside, exchanging sheepish glances but unwilling to leave. Only a select few venture any closer, the rest are content to keep a safe distance from his wrath while they listen to the rise and fall of his voice as he berates the other scientists or talks enthusiastically about some ancient device. They draw comfort and reassurance from his presence, finding the balance that has been lost in his absence and scattering at the first sign he intends to leave the lab in order to to avoid being caught.

It is harder when he is outside the labs, standing in corridors next to open panels, tapping away at his tablet, always in motion, fixing things in one place and immediately moving on to the next system in need of his attention. They cannot stand and watch him without drawing his attention, but there is surprisingly heavy traffic around his location and the mess is crowded whenever Sheppard manages to drag him away from his work long enough to eat a proper meal, regardless of the time of day.

Nobody says anything to him, and he remains oblivious to the interest in his movements and the monumental shift in people's attitude towards him. He is still abrupt and often rude but there is an indulgence of his behaviour that was not there before and which shields him from any lingering animosity. While they still enjoy grumbling about him amongst themselves, anything more negative or criticism from outsiders is quickly silenced.

Their need to see him quickly dissipates but the change in their perception of him does not. In his absence they have learned how much he has done for each of them on a personal level. That he has not only saved their lives but also ensured their comfort in a thousand smaller ways such as building and maintaining the media centre in the recreation room, making sure they have hot water and by fixing all the insignificant little things that were of no consequence beyond being a minor source of irritation, like a blinking light in a corridor.

There is no sudden out-pouring of gratitude. The first time someone says thank you, he is shocked almost speechless, managing only an awkward acknowledgement and a less than gracious dismissal before hurrying away. It is one of the many contradictions of his character that, while he craves recognition, gratitude makes him deeply uncomfortable.

So instead they find other ways to show that they do not take what he does for granted. No one speaks to him of their new understanding but suddenly his favourite meals are served more often in the mess and when blue jello or chocolate pudding are on the menu there is always one left when he gets there, regardless of the time. His supplies of coffee and chocolate are mysteriously replenished and people smile and nod at him as they pass, although more often then not he doesn't even notice, too engrossed in his work to register what goes on around him.

There is new and deeper respect for him now, even amongst those who are closest to him - those who should already have known better. It is a respect born of the knowledge that he really is everything that he claims to be and more. People are more inclined to listen when he speaks and the military are both more protective of him and less dismissive of his abilities. His position as the heart of the expedition is explained to new arrivals by the veteran members almost as soon as they transfer from the Daedalus and those few who can't learn to appreciate him don't last long before being returned to Earth.

While he notices few, if any, individual changes, he responds instinctively to the overall change in atmosphere. As time passes he becomes a little less tense, a little less defensive, as he subconsciously recognises that, after being isolated for so long, he is surrounded by people who are able to accept and appreciate him for all that he is, rather than those who simply tolerate him for what he can do.

As I watch the changes and feel his response, I am satisfied. They have finally begun to see him as I do.

THE END

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